Psalm 27:8 New Living Translation (NLT) My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
I recently saw an old “dear” friend that I hadn’t seen in seven years. I was just meeting him, right? No big deal. We were just two grown adults. A little time had passed…we were the same—but not…you know? The way life changes you because it happens and your experiences grow you…if you learn from them. I wasn’t the same woman that once mooned over him, professed my love for him and heart beat fast at the prospect of seeing him. He wasn’t the same man that once professed his love to me and that I was the first thing he thought of when he woke up. So, I’m cool, right?! Copasetic. Chill. No worries. Zero issue. And because I said all that you know it was nothing like that!
I, so wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming rush of feelings that came
over me…feelings that warmed my heart and made my heart sing like no man has ever done—but him. I hated the way I betrayed myself…silly me…hopeless me. Now two weeks later he’s still on my mind and I’m on
this crazy rollercoaster of emotions again—which is why I jumped off in the first place. I want to be with him…but he’s never in any particular hurry. I don’t want to seem desperate…but the truth is more like I am desperate to listen to him….talk to him…to hold him. I can’t wait till he calls me and says that he wants to talk to me—cause as much as I don’t want to be so there at his bidding…the truth is more like, I’ll be right there.
The feelings that I have for my friend are very intimate but I realize that I want the relationship I have with God to be even more so. God knows me even deeper and even more completely than any human will ever know me. And He knows the secret things that I will never tell anyone (probably even things so dark that I have suppressed them) and He loves me anyway. He won’t take my feelings on a crazy rollercoaster and He looks forward to times we talk just as much as I do…or at least as much as I should. Cause see a lot of times I’m a slacker. But I so want my heart to respond “Lord, I am coming” when I feel Him calling me. I so much more want to feel for God what I feel for that man…desperate to listen to him…desperate to talk to him….desperate to hold His word close to my heart. I want to be right there when the Master calls me…at His bidding.
*Sighs*…I’m a work in progress…human…fallible…subject to flesh but willing, oh so willing, to be shaped for the Master’s use. I don’t know what’s going to happen between me and my old friend but I do know that I am going to use this situation to fine tune my relationship with my Father.